Okay so we've already set the stage of bringing that adorable bundle of cuteness into the world. This stage lasts for about two to three months ( if your really lucky) Then the fourth trimester hits. Its really a thing google it. When the shiny new wears off  your amazing prince charming starts dropping little hints about missing you. Boom!!! What?  As adorable your muffin is about now all your probably concentrating on is what your going to make for dinner 8 hours from now , or more importantly if you have time to shabe your legs ( and thats if your lucky like me to have a happy baby that even allows you to take a shower)! Seriously,  i know of some moms that have to plea with their husbands to watch thr babg for 5 minutes after work so they can even shower and girl i am sending vibes full of wine and sleep your way!
Anyways, here you are with baby and the very last thing your thinking about is getting your hair pulled voluntarily,  or much less another human being putting their hands on you. All you want is to be left alone and get some sleep. So what do you do? You obviously cant let your entire relationship fall to the side. But heres the deal. You both compromise. You heard me righr right BOTH!
This is not one sided just because you brought a kiddo into thr world. Im not candy coating this. This is the part where my mister and i really had to step into each others shoes. All he wanted was to come home to a clean house, clean baby, put together mama, a hot meal and get some love. All i wanted was a nap. And maybe a warm cup of coffee.
But heres what no one tells you with having a baby. It will test every inch of your relationship to the point you literally cant even stand to look at each other some days. Im so serious. This is normal. There were times devin and i fought like thr couple on the notebook! I actually remember him saying per vetem your the most stubborn pain in my ass ive ever met. To which i replied yeah well your the biggest insensitive jerk ive had the displeasure of dealing with.
I have to pause and laugh here looking back at those first few months because to this day im sure we both would swear our son was the only glue holding us together.
Of course that isnt true we have a very strong relationship and love each other more than anyone else i know....but these times were hard.  While he was working i wax raisimg a tiny human and neither of us understood what the crap we were doing at any point during the day and on multiple occasions wondered who the heck allowed us to have this tiny little human.
Then one day it dawned on me....how could i ever expect him to understand what i do on a day to day basis and how i feel when im mean and snippity? I have never once took the time out of my busy day to think for one second how difficult it must be to leave us home all day not being able to call or text. I never thought about what it may feel like to become a daddy or the responsibility that must feel like a weight on his shoulders after never having to be responsible for anyone but hisself. I had 9 months of practice  and i dont think it sets in for men until the baby is here. So do you know what i did?
I asked his parents to watch the baby for 20 minutes and i asked him to talk. I do have to say it took several attempts at this before he would finally open up.  Mostly he just got upset at first.
You know what i found out though?  He was facing all the exact fears i was. Only he had to switch jobs to something with a carreer so he could take care of his family. So not only was he dealing with what i was; but also trying not to mess up with yet another unfamiliar avenue.
The physical contact? Sure, but he wasnt craving intamacy in bed he was just missing me. In general. Me sitting on his lap hearing about his day, holding his hand on the couch catching up on game of thrones, putting my hand through his arm at the supermarket, kissing his cheeck when we pass in the hall. These were the things he was missing. Was it that difficult for me to do those? Absolutely not, i just forgot somewhere between changing diapers, midnight feedings and meal planning.
Heres the kicker though,  he had no clue what i went through on a daily basis either. So i wrote it all down and pleaded with him to watch me some sunday when he wasn't working. Not offer to help but just watch. And he did. You know what we found? Compromise and compassion.
A couple nights a week i put the baby to bed a little early and we cuddle up and watch a movie. A night a week he watches munchkin so mommy can take a bath in quiet with no interruptions. He spends more time with us and less on his phone, i pack his lunch at night so he can sleep in an extra 10 minutes in the morning. Its the little things.

If your in this stage i challenge you to write down 3 things you love about your significant other every time you get upset with them and compliment them on it. Put your pride away and remember why your here. As i told devin,  this is a stage and it wont last forever someday there will be no more diapers to change,  no one to sleep in the middle, no more sad faces to consul,  or hugs and kisses to give to sticky faces  so look at your little bundle of love and allow them to let you grow in your relationship. Dont use it as leverage, use it as a knot to strengthen snd grow.  You want them to see a happy daddy and mommy. ...so put your pride your phone and your contention away. Live and love. Life is too short for anything else.